Alternate Query

This is a first-draft query for my novel Alternate. Any feedback/critiques are welcome ^^

Dear Agent,

Fifteen-year-old Damian Farrow has the ability to stop a speeding car in its tracks, and learns that while he may be unusually lucky, he isn’t the only one.

A single day is repeating over and over again, and the Key to restart time cannot be found. But what is impossible in this world may not be in another—a parallel universe full of malevolent enemies. Damian’s luck is a tool for him to use, and is the only thing which will save him from certain death, if only he knew how to use it.

As Damian slowly learns to control his power, a dark secret haunts their footsteps. The parallel universe is controlled and ruled by their enemies. To find the Key, they must infiltrate the headquarters of the world’s supreme dictator. Drastically outnumbered and outmatched, the chances of reaching that goal are slim. But if they fail, then the human race will be enslaved by the repetition of a single day for the rest of eternity.

ALTERNATE is a young adult fantasy novel at 73,000 words.

Feeding Time [Original Fiction]

Title: Feeding Time
Fandom: Alternate
Character(s): Vaidryn Benitez Leal and his pet tiger
Other: I'm lazy today, so this will be very very short.

 When Damian and Laik had left, Vaidryn spoke to Quillenn briefly on the phone. Five hundred soldiers should be more than enough to subdue two elusive outlaws. Of course, there was the possibility of escaping back to their own universe, but that chance wasn't high at all.

Was it?

No, it was impossible. They didn't know that the portal couldn't be moved. He most certainly had the upper hand.

Vaidryn's eyes slid over to the tiger, now awake once more and pacing expectantly. He wanted food, and he wanted it now. Sighing, Vaidryn opened the door and walked out then, moments later, returned with a huge raw steak. He threw it into the cage, and watched as the tiger ripped it up.

"Good boy," he told the tiger, smiling.

The Chase [Original Fiction]

Title: The Chase [begins]
Fandom: Alternate (Original fiction)
Character(s): Echo Nightingale, Vaidryn Benitez. [Mentioned: Laik Campbell, Damian Farrow]
Other: To celebrate Damian completing his mission--that is, finding the Key (but he still has to get out alive >.>), I have decided to write Echo/Vaidryn's reactions. Haha, what a fail celebration. Yeah, this won't make any sense to anyone except me 8D

Echo Nightingale stumbled into the private elevator prepared for her, and collapsed onto the couch. Vaidryn was going to kill her. She was so, so dead.

How was she supposed to know that they weren't caught? That they knew what was going on? The control room... Yes, that was guarded, but they must have knocked out the guards.

White hot anger shot through her. Those idiots just came in and ruined her life. They were not going to escape!

The elevator doors opened. Vaidryn turned around and smiled her. Opposite him, Laik was helping himself to some dried apricots.

"Did you find it, Echo?" asked Vaidryn, though there was really only one answer. Or so he thought.

"Uh..." Echo paused for a second. "We did find it, my lord, but..." She hesitated, and Vaidryn's patience disappeared. He looked into her mind; into the events that had just taken place. His eyes hardened with anger, but that was the only reaction.

"That's okay, Echo," he said. "You can take a break. Damian and Laik will handle the rest."

Escape [Original Fiction]

Title: Escape
Fandom: Alternate (original fiction)
Character(s): Vaidryn Benitez Leal
Other: This seemed like an interesting part of Vaidryn's past, so I'm expanding on it...there probably will be more later.

He slammed the door behind him and ran. His footsteps rang loudly on the marble floor, but that was the last thing on Vaidryn's mind. He flung himself up the stairs, biting his lip hard and concentrating, so that those tears in his eyes would not fall. They could not fall. Not now, not ever.

He reached the fourth floor, panting, but didn't stop. He rushed past the doors, past the people wondering how he had just materialised from thin air. He reached the room.

Vaidryn didn't remember deciding to leave, so his things were still there, scattered. But the choice seems to have been decided for him.

He grabbed his savings for the last 3 years, a jacket, and a box full of his most treasured possessions, then turned heel and left the room.

Everything else--his clothes, his toys, his precious items of worth--was left there, never to be touched by him again.

Out the door, through the corridors, down the stairs and outside. The sun was partially obscured by cloud, and it was a humid day, but he didn't dare take his jacket off. Night would plunge temperatures down to freezing.

He set of running, hugging his box of possessions, and not looking back even as the first yells went up in the Headquarters. 'Vaidryn has escaped', they would say. 'He has ran away'. But that wasn't true.

Vaidryn Benitez was free. Finally.

Two kilometers from Headquarters, he stopped and looked around. He was in the middle of the market, and there was a stall buying gold. Ah, problem solved. Striding up confidently to the stall-owner, Vaidryn opened the box and tipped the contents out. There were music players, game consoles, antique rings, books and CDs spilled out onto the table.

"How much," asked Vaidryn, "for all of it?"

His eyes caught something--a glint of gold. It was a bracelet; his mother's, one of the last things she gave to him before she left. He quickly snatched it up. "Except that."

The owner looked greedily at the items. "50 dollars," he said.

"No. That DS is worth $100 at least. That mp3, $30. I want $200 for all of it."

The man hesitated--it was a good deal but he could usually get better. But the boy was desperate. Why not do one act of kindness? "Fine. Here's four 50s."

Vaidryn nodded. "Thank you."

Too much caps [Original Fiction]

Title: Too much caps (courtesy of Damian Farrow)
Fandom: Alternate (Original fiction)
Character(s): Damian Farrow, Author (me)
Warning: Crack!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything SMH related. This contest is real, feel free to enter.

"Chaiiiiinnnn!" screamed a 15-year-old girl hysterically as she ran around in circles. "Chaaaaiiinnn!"

Her Main Character, known as Damian Farrow, was sitting in the corner trying not to crack up or go insane. He was also trying to ignore her. He was failing. "What chain?" he finally asked.

His authoress ignored him. "CHAAAAAAIIIINNNNN--"

"What chain?" he asked again, in a considerably worsened mood.

The girl, who will now be known as Author, stopped screaming temporarily and turned around. "I need a chain!"

Needless to say, at this time Damian was beginning to get quite annoyed. Not only was his creator completely and utterly insane, but she had to go around screaming her head off in his ear. Just wonderful. "Why do you need a chain?"

"Because I need a chaaaiiiiinnnnnnnn!" she cried hysterically.

"SHUT UP!" Damian shouted over her. "Why do you need the damn chain?"

Author whimpered and said something about a top-secret competition. Damian rolled his eyes. "What sort of competition is this?"

"I'M NOT TELLING!" shouted Author dramatically. "If I say anything, more people will join and I'll have more competition!"

Damian headbashed. "Does it involve killing someone with a chain?"

"If you want it to involve that, yes," said Author helpfully.

"Does it have to involve a chain?" asked Damian. "I mean, can it be killing someone with a gun?"

"NO!" shouted Author. "IT MUST BE A CHAIN! CHAIN, I AM  YOUR FATHER!"

Damian cracked up, but quickly recomposed himself. "It must be a writing contest," he thought.

"HOW'D YOU KNOW?"

"I guessed."

"Oh." There was a ridiculously quiet moment. Then: "I NEED A CHAIN!"

"THERE'S TOO MUCH CAPS!" yelled Damian, hypocritically. "You have to write about a chain?"

"Yes!"

"Is this that Sydney Morning Herald thing?"

Author blinked. "Yes, how'd you--I MEAN NO! OF COURSE NOT! YOU'RE NOT TAKING MY PRIZE AWAY FROM ME!"

"Migraine!" snapped Damian. "Shut up!"

"Sorry," said Author, in a considerably quieter tone. "Can you think of something for chain?"

"Why don't you kill someone with it?" Damian suggested.

"THAT'S STUPID--Sorry, I mean: that's stupid," she said in a hushed whisper.

Damian rolled his eyes. His head was already hurting. This wasn't helping matters. "How about," he said reasonably, "we ignore this post and come back to it when your muse is here?"

"Good idea," said Author, "but what do we call this story?"

Damian Farrow grinned a rare, evil grin. "We'll call it...THERE'S TOO MUCH CAPS!"

"Let's cut the 'there's'," Author grumbled.

To be Understood [Original fiction]

Title: To be Understood
Fandom: Alternate* (Original fiction) 
* Technically not a fandom at all. It's my novel. But one day, oh yes...8D
Character(s): Echo Nightingale (mentions Vaidryn Benitez)
N.B.: This takes place in a half-fantasy setting. Echo is turning 11, Vaidryn is 23 turning 24. In the to-be book, Echo betrays the 'good' side to join the 'evil' side, which Vaidryn commands.

They told her she was a genius; they told her she was perfect. They told her that in the next few years, she would rise to become one of the most successful commanders in their battle against Vaidryn Benitez. People who passed her in the corridors stopped just long enough to tell her how amazing she was, just long enough to ask her to demonstrate an illusion or two.

There was really just one problem.

She wanted fame, and not within the next few years. She wanted it now.

Not to mention there was something strangely alluring about joining the side of darkness. No cookies, nothing of that sort. She was just sick of being so...used. Every day, it felt like she was nothing but a tool for the Seniym to win. It felt like she wasn't really needed if she couldn't fight, or if she couldn't gather information, and that everyone would just forget about her if she fell sick, or died, because nobody really cared.

Those people in the corridors didn't like her. They were only awed by her, and though that was fine, she wanted to be loved. Loved by someone who truly knew her, not just some strangers who happened to pass her by.

And then one day, the letter came. It wasn't signed, and it mentioned nothing of importance, but she knew its purpose immediately. It was from someone who wanted her abilities and personality and actually appreciated who she was as a person. It was from someone who wanted to know her personally and to give her everything she had now, and much, much more.

It was from Vaidryn Benitez, but she wasn't about to tell anyone.

The letters kept coming, and suddenly, there was an outright question. Will she give her life up here, to join and gain so much more on the other side?

Echo Nightingale smiled, and began packing her bags.